The First Interview
In chapter five, Sobonfu Somé introduces a concept that feels both ancient and startlingly refreshing: the pre-birth interview. The idea is that before we ever take a breath, there is a ritual conversation with our unborn soul. We are asked why we want to come here, what we intend to do, and how the village can support us.
In this tradition, the birthing parent is a vessel, honored, but not an owner, because the child belongs to their own destiny.
I return to this understanding whenever the world feels too heavy or my mental health starts to flicker. Think about it: being born is a one-in-400-trillion chance. Nothing about you is an accident. The more I study neuroscience and quantum mechanics, the more I hear the universe echoing: You are here on purpose. The chaos of the world doesn’t negate that; if anything, the chaos is the very reason we have to lean harder into our community and the work we agreed to do before we got here.
Purpose Needs a Partner
Somé speaks beautifully about partnership as a support system for that life purpose. When two people come together, they should be walking parallel paths. They don’t have to be doing the same job, but their souls have to be moving in the same direction.
Let’s be real: a peacemaker cannot build a life with someone devoted to destruction. That mismatch doesn’t just not work; it drains your ashe (your spiritual vitality). Whether you call it being equally yoked or alignment, the cost of being misaligned is simply too high.
I also felt a bit of curiosity when Somé discussed personal elemental energies: earth, water, fire, nature, and mineral. I discovered I carry Mineral energy, and now, I want to deep dive into what that could mean for me. I encourage you to look into your own makeup. Not to put yourself in a box, but to understand the tech of your own soul and how you move through the world.
Community Is Not an Extra
The first time I read this book, I read it for me. This time? I can’t stop seeing the Village.
Somé points out something we often ignore: the absence of a welcoming village at birth creates a psychic rupture. It’s that restless feeling of being behind or constantly comparing yourself to others. One partner, no matter how much they love you, cannot replace an entire community.
For many of us, especially Black folks disconnected from our ancestral anchors, that gap feels like a canyon. Initiation, elders, and godparents weren’t just tradition for us. They were the safety nets that kept us from forgetting who we were.
The Courage to Speak Plainly
Chapter six, Initiation: Gaining Knowledge, made me want to shout. In Somé’s village, children are educated about intimacy, ritual, and sexuality from day one. There is no shame, only mentorship.
I’m going to be unapologetic here: Silence does not protect our children. It leaves them unprepared. The world is already teaching them; we are just deciding if we want our voices to be the ones they hear first. Teaching a child the proper names for their anatomy or normalizing the human body isn’t inappropriate; it’s a life-saving tool. Intimacy is sacred, which means it is powerful. And anything that powerful is dangerous if you approach it without a map.
Taking that map into consideration, Somé’s take on menstruation replaces fear with reverence. In her village, a menstruating woman is a healing force. She is treated with deep respect and sought out for guidance. Compare that to our world, where we are taught to pop an ibuprofen and grind through the pain. Imagine if our first cycles were marked with a ceremony instead of a whispered conversation in a bathroom stall.
Doing It Scared
Finally, Somé hits us with a hard truth: choosing a purpose before birth doesn’t mean you arrive with the courage to do it. Purpose often asks us to leave our comfort zones. It asks us to speak when our voices crack and lead when our knees are knocking.
I love what I do. I love teaching. And yet, I still get terrified every single time I have to speak in public. Purpose doesn’t erase the fear; it just gives you a reason to walk right through it.
And maybe that’s the whole point of the Lover’s Circle. None of this—the healing, the intimacy, the liberation—was ever meant to be a solo mission.
If you found this insightful or enjoyable, make sure to like or restack. Your support keeps me going!
